Letter to a friend after a breakup

I don’t know what’s going on, but as the sleepy buds poke out of the ground and the trees start blooming again, there seem to be quite a few lovers calling it quits, or at least, questioning their relationship.

This letter To a Friend After a Breakup applies to any of my friends, and hopefully, yours, too.

Dear Friend,

I love you. So very much. You are one of the most incredible people I know. And I’m not just saying that because you feel like absolute shit right now. I’m saying that because I want you to know – he made you feel so weak and shattered when he told you you’re not the one – that your vision is clouded right now, and that’s okay, but so is his. Long after you get over this heartache, he’s going to wake up one day and realize that he didn’t just lose a once-in-a-lifetime-love; he lost his best friend.

Breaking-up is horrific (I mean, there’s a reason the name implies something coming apart into pieces).

You felt whole with another person, and now that they’re gone, for whatever reason, you are on the floor. Your arm is splayed toward the corner, your toes feel disconnected from your foot – it’s not hard to find your mind, thumping, seemingly, harder than your heart, racing over what YOU did wrong. But here’s the thing. Another person doesn’t make you whole; the right person (and there’s not just one, don’t forget that!) will act as a foil to your self – highlighting the things that draw the world in, and deflecting the ones that don’t, actually making you want to be better for your OWN sake. 

But, oh, how will you ever trust again? There MUST be something wrong with you.

As convenient that might be for the sake of explanation, it’s simply not true. You opened your heart, loved fiercely and dreamed of a future together. In the moment, you thought you were on the same page, and you left space in the room for him to say otherwise. But not everyone knows how to love and communicate like YOU do, and, you misjudged the situation. Guess what? It happens to EVERYONE. It does not mean that you only attract men who can’t commit fully, it doesn’t mean you’re an idiot and for god’s sake, it does not mean you’re unlovable.

A break-up can bring out the worst in people, but it can also bring out some of the best.

Case in point: you find yourself wailing in the shower, having dragged yourself out of bed, wondering how you will spoon cereal into your mouth, sling your purse out the door, and drive to the office. I won’t lie – day one, you feel like a trapped rat. Co-workers stopping casually by your desk making ambling small talk. Fingers completing menial task after task. Ding! Another friggen email. Oh, and the coffee tastes bland. By the time you get to the gym, you’re wondering how to go on, but alas, as you’re ripping on the treadmill or working on your bicep curls you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and while the instinct is to immediately tear yourself down, for a moment, you feel a pang of a smile inside, because there’s no denying you are very much alive.

As the days pass by, you find yourself sleeping better (because come on, you’re exhausted; how could you not?). In looking for ways to fill your time so you’re not folded away in your house (why is it so damn dark??), you’re obsessing less over what could have been. You regain your hunger and the spices in a Thai curry really sing. You’re feeling some real empowerment at the gym as you get stronger, physically, because why the fuck not? Your head starts to clear and instead of feeling crumpled, you feel capable.

Love is beautiful and kind and bright. It shines from within you, because, after all, you are human.

You will be okay – you have too much goodness to share.  With the changing season, you have been given another chance at finding a love that makes your self-love shine brighter. Keep your heart open, trust your instinct (yep, it’s still there), and hold your head high (and when you need to cry, do it loudly). You are a bad ass woman on a journey of truth. You’re not just riding the ebb and flow; you’re learning from the crazy left turns and you’re becoming a better person for it.

You’ve got an army of people behind you. Now, let me squeeze the shit out of you.

I love you,